The Deeper Side of Love and Relationship
© 2005 by Corinne McLaughlin and Gordon Davidson
The desire for the perfect
relationship—walking off into a romantic sunset with your true love and
living happily ever after—is the Holy Grail of our culture, more cherished
than winning the biggest sweepstakes. But how elusive it is!
Why? Because the search for
the romantic ideal is actually the projected outer form of our inner quest
for our soul—only we don’t realize this. The longing for romance is
really our quest for Divine love—for the good, the true and the beautiful
within us. We “fall in love” with another person because we’ve projected
our own inner qualities on someone else. We wouldn’t notice these
qualities in this person if they weren’t at least potential within us.
Some of our great poets and
playwrights such as Shakespeare understood this-- his sonnets can be read
as odes to the soul. But secular society today just doesn’t get it. So
our entertainment industry stimulates an insatiable hunger for romance,
and makes huge profits on it.
Romantic love is elusive
because who you see is who you are. You look out at the world through
your self-created lens and see only a reflection of yourself and your own
qualities and inner patterns, positive and negative. You only attract a
more loving person by becoming more loving yourself. And you become more
loving through practicing small acts of kindness and appreciation daily,
and by meditating on love and opening your heart. You become more loving
by falling in love with your own soul—the center of radiant love within
you.
Romantic love is also elusive
because most relationships are based on a union of only one or two levels
or dimensions of your being. But you have four dimensions: physical,
emotional, mental, spiritual. Most relationships are based on a purely
physical level, which fade with age and diminishing sexual energy. It’s
not that sexual attraction isn’t good--it’s just very
incomplete--involving only a small part of your whole being.
Some relationships include a
union on the emotional as well as the physical level, and fewer still
include the mental or intellectual level, but these unions are more
stable.
Wholeness in a relationship
results from union on all four levels—physical, emotional, mental and
spiritual. While this type is somewhat rarer, it is a relationship of true
soul mates. These unions create those unusually loving, creative and
intelligent families that attract the birth of a more advanced soul. This
type of union might also fulfill some other higher purpose, such as
co-creating a significant project that serves the world in some way.
The quality of the inner note
you sound--in other words, what you actually embody--is what determines
whom you attract in your life. Like attracts like. If you want to
attract a relationship that creates a union on all four levels or
frequencies of your being, including the spiritual, you have to be
conscious on all four levels, expressing a compatible energy on all these
levels.
Types of Love and Relationships
If you look closely, you can
observe three types of love:
-
Soul love--
based on the
Law of Resonance, which is unconditional, unselfish love, given freely and
responsibly, leaving the person free to be him/herself, and desiring only
the best for the person; this love is experienced in the heart center;
-
Personality love,
based on the Law of Attachment, which has conditions or hooks in it and
tends to trap others; this type of love says, I’ll love you only as long
as you love me in return and fulfill my expectations; this love is
experienced on more in the emotional, solar plexus center;
-
A mixture of soul and
personality love, which includes an element of unconditional love,
but also has many personal expectations, desires and demands; this type
is a mixture of solar plexus and heart energy.
Relationship patterns are
endlessly fascinating and can be of several types:
1.
Karmic renewals, where you meet the results of your past
actions—both positive and negative--from this life or other lives. These
relationships provide opportunities to learn how to truly love someone
and/or to forgive past wrongs.
2.
Growth experiences, where for example you learn the lesson
of being a responsible householder, providing for your family regardless
of the personal cost. Or the relationship could offer you the opportunity
to learn a new spiritual quality, such as patience. Or perhaps your
partner embodies some quality that is lacking in you, such as courage, and
you learn to develop it by observing it in him or her. Men can learn to
express archetypal feminine qualities from the woman in their
relationship; women learn to express archetypal masculine qualities from
the man in their relationship. The goal is for both partners to embody a
balance of both qualities, as this creates stability--rather than trying
to draw the complimentary energy from the other partner.
3.
Soul partnerships, where the purpose of the relationship has
a higher dimension of service to the world in some form. It’s important
to keep the energy flow between the two people in balance with the energy
expressed in service. This can be seen as a flow of energy around a
triangle, with one person at each point and service as the third point.
There shouldn’t be too much focus on the service aspect without sufficient
energy also devoted to maintaining and deepening the relationship between
the two people.
Every relationship offers you
the opportunity to discover the unique beauty and gifts of that
individual. Everyone has something they can teach you—either in a
positive, helpful way, or in a negative way. Each relationship is an
opportunity to open your heart and connect with the soul of another
person.
Take
your longing for love a little deeper. Let it guide you into a
deeper experience of union with your soul, your eternal self. Allow
your heart to open and experience greater love for everyone around you,
for all of life. As you live in a daily expression of love, you will
attract into your life other people who are more loving and supportive.
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