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The Practice of
Loving Kindness
All the great
spiritual traditions emphasize the need for compassion and unconditional
love. Buddhists call this “boddichitta”--the awakened heart--which is the
aspiration for others to be happy and free from suffering. It is the
essence of enlightenment, the heart of enlightened activity. True
compassion is called the “wish-fulfilling jewel” because it has the power
to give each person precisely what he or she most needs to release
suffering and be happy. But how can you cultivate it? Here are some
traditional methods for practicing loving kindness:
Develop an
attitude of equanimity. Practice going beyond your fixed ideas of
friends and enemies. The idea is to develop a sense of spaciousness,
letting go of rigid ideas. Over the years, anyone who has once been an
enemy may now have turned into a friend, and vice-versa. Everything is
impermanent and constantly changing. Step back and observe the dance of
life with detachment. This lays the ground for the practice of loving
kindness.
Reflect on
the kindness of others. This will help you see the positive side of
any situation, regardless of how difficult. Contemplate what other people
have done for you in both large and small ways. Focus on a specific friend
or family member, and remember all the good they have done. You might want
to begin by remembering the love and devotion of your mother or father or
grandparents, and then move on to everyone you know. If you are open to
the idea of reincarnation, consider that anyone could have been your
mother, father, sister or brother in a previous life, so reflect on how
they might have nurtured and supported you.
Remember an
experience of love that someone gave you. Reflect on how it really
moved you. Remember vividly that feeling of love and let it arise again in
your heart, filling you with gratitude. Let your heart open and allow
your love to flow out to others. See yourself unsealing a spring of love
within you that flows out to friends, family, neighbors, all those you
like, all those you dislike, to every person around the world, and to all
sentient beings. Let your love deepen and become boundless.
Repay the
kindness of others. Take the perspective that many, many people (as
well as many plants, animals, etc.) have helped you. Everyone you meet
may have helped you in some way, directly or indirectly. Every encounter
becomes an opportunity to repay someone’s kindness. This attitude can
change your life. Traditionally, it’s called “the great activity” because
it is so vast that it’s difficult to imagine.
Contemplate
the positive qualities of others. If you care for someone, you
naturally see their delightful qualities and usually ignore their negative
qualities. Extend this perspective to everyone, one person at a time.
Generate loving kindness towards each person and the wish for him or her
to be happy. This can help transform negative emotions such as anger or
jealousy.
Consider
others the same as yourself. Reflect on another person, not in their
role as a relative or friend, but simply as another “you”, with the same
feelings as you--the same desire for happiness, the same fear of
suffering. This will give you greater insight into how to truly help
someone. It will also aid in opening up your relationships and giving
them deeper meaning.
Meditate on
compassion. Contemplate on both the essence and expression of
compassion. Reflect on the benefits of compassion and the effects of its
opposite. See compassion as empathy, based on understanding the universal
nature of suffering. Each of us suffers when our ego is self-centered and
grasping. Offer a blessing of kindness to all who suffer, helping them
transform their pain, and awaken to the boundless love that dwells within
their own heart.
--Adapted from the
writings of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche and Sogyal Rinpoche
Featured in Soul Light #30
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